Suffering Well

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

 Isaiah 43:2

I love this verse. Reading it always brings a since of peace. This one verse screams, “GOD IS WITH ME!!” How does that make you feel? Are you comforted by this fact? The peace and the emotions that come with trusting in this truth are amazing, but we must not miss the other truth found here. This verse does not read like this, “You will not pass through the waters, you will not go through the rivers, you will not walk through fire.” This verse is not giving us a free pass from suffering. This verse is emphatically saying that we will suffer, but it is during these times of suffering where we will grow closer to God. He tells us plainly, “I will be with you, the rivers will not overwhelm you, the flame will not consume you.”

We had our first child in March of 2011 but this was no simple task. We tried for over year—with many doctor visits in between—to get pregnant. We wanted a child more than anything, but it always seemed like the door would shut on our plans. We prayed, others prayed, we changed our diets, we took medication and then finally Erin brought me the good news, we were going to have a baby. Many tears and sleepless nights were spent during this time, but we look at Gavin—our now 14 month old son—and those nights are so far from our mind. We look at him and without hesitation say we would do it all over again. Did we suffer that year and a half? Absolutely. Did we feel like the rivers were going to overwhelm us? Absolutely. Did we know without a doubt that God was with us? Absolutely.

   

We assumed our journey would always be difficult when it came to having children, but this assumption changed in January of 2012.  This verse in Isaiah is something that I have looked to quite a bit in the past 4 to 5 months of my life. This past January Erin—my wife—came downstairs holding a pregnancy test that read “pregnant”. This was welcoming news. This meant we could get pregnant on our own. We did it! We were able to get pregnant without a bunch of doctor visits, without years of trying, without worrying. This was amazing news. We were so excited and we immediately starting sharing the news with everyone. We were a little nervous because of how close our children would be in age but that was completely secondary to our since of joy. We praised God and we gave Him all the credit.

Once we got over our initial excitement Erin made a doctor’s appointment to make sure everything was moving in a positive direction. We were going to get to see our new baby. We were going to get to hear a heartbeat. We were a bundle of nerves. Our excitement was truly uncontrollable as we anxiously waited for the nurse to take us back to the ultrasound room. After waiting for what seemed like hours—probably more like 30 minutes—the nurse called us back. Erin hops up on the table and the ultrasound begins. The technician started to look around and I could tell by the look in her eyes she expected to see more. She said that everything pointed to pregnancy but we were not as far along as we thought we were so there would not be much to see. This news was disheartening but we assumed everything would be fine in a couple of weeks. We would just give it time. The doctor ran some blood work and assured us we would hear something soon.

As you can imagine our excitement was a bit deflated after this visit, but we just knew the phone call from the doctor in a couple days would tell us we were pregnant just really early in the process. On January 18, 2012 the call came in. The doctor informed Erin that she was pregnant, there was a baby but a miscarriage had occurred and Erin was no longer pregnant. I look back to that day and I feel helpless. I am the man of the house. I am the leader, but what am I supposed to tell my wife? What I am supposed to tell myself? How could I explain this? I was not with Erin when she got the news—I was at work. Once I got her phone call I immediately headed toward home. I made a few phone calls in between to my parents. I had to tell my parents the good news and the bad news. See, we were waiting to tell them about the newest addition to the Wood family. So in my phone call I had to say, “Erin was pregnant but we lost the baby.” This was so difficult. I could sense the emotion through the phone of my mom and my dad. They wanted to be there for their son, for my wife, and for my son. They wanted to hold us, but they lived four hours away. They wanted to give me a solution, a remedy. But, again, what do you tell your 27 year old son upon hearing that news?

I finally arrived home and grabbed Erin. We cried and held each other but neither of us really knew what to say. We had never been through something like this. I took this time to do what comes natural to me, I preached. My wife, on the other hand, needed love and her husband not a preacher. This was a learning experience for us and I have apologized to my wife for preaching at her at a time when she needed more love than words. We continue to grow from this and we now understand that we needed to remind ourselves of God’s sovereignty and His power. I knew that questions were going to come up in my mind and my heart and I did not want to allow myself to question God and His plan. Now looking back there is no doubt in my mind He walked us through the fire. There is no doubt in my mind He prevented the rivers from overtaking us. There is no doubt in my mind He was with us as we passed through the waters.

I realize that some of you may ask, “How can you say that? How can you trust Him when your baby was taken away from you?” These questions are tough, but looking back at the past four years of my life I am fully confident in God’s plan. Four years ago we moved to Knoxville. Four years ago we started attending First Baptist Church in Powell, TN. Three years ago, after sleeping in late we visited the church’s Fountain City campus. It was at this campus that things started clicking, new friends were made and the foundation was being laid for an amazing support group for us in January of 2012. Don’t you see God’s work in this? Please don’t miss it. When I was born in 1984 God knew that I would move to Knoxville in 2008. God knew that Erin and I would have some struggles getting pregnant. God knew that we would bring Gavin into the world on March 3, 2011. God knew that Erin would walk down those stairs in January of 2012 with a pregnancy test alerting us of our new baby. God knew that same baby would die later that month.

God wasn’t distant during all of this. He is the great I AM. He is the unchangeable God of the universe. David Platt said it well when he said, “Our Sovereign Lord holds the destiny of this world in the palms of His hands.” This is what Isaiah 43:2 is telling us. God is in our lives not apart from them. We will suffer. We will walk through rough waters. We will walk through a fire in our life. When we are suffering we are not alone. We rest in Him! We build our house on the rock—Jesus (Matthew 7:24-27). We, however, understand that building on this Rock does not exempt us from the storm itself—the suffering.

Some may argue, “What does God know about suffering, He doesn’t know what I am going through.” Please don’t let this be your argument. Have you read the gospels? Have you read about Jesus? Jesus stepped down from His throne to suffer. He was born to die. He did this willingly. I can assure you that any fire you may walk through Jesus walked through a bigger one.

Do I know why we lost our second child? Can I explain why we had to go through this intense pain? I cannot answer either of these questions, but I do know that God was with my family. I do know that I grew closer to Him during this fire in my life. I do know that His plan is supreme. I do know that He is my treasure and I long for the day He returns and eternity is spent praising His name. I long for that day and I pray you do as well.   

I want to end with more scripture. During this season of suffering for my family God and His providence placed Erin in a bible study. This bible study focused on the book of James. We didn’t know then but it is clear now that God was working through all of that. James 1:2-4 deals specifically with suffering.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

So once again we see God’s hand in all that we do. When Erin joined that bible study we had no idea we would be receiving the news of a miscarriage. We had no idea that the verses in James would be so applicable to us and our current circumstances. These verses coincide with Isaiah 43. We find comfort in our God. As a matter of fact we “count it all joy” because these trials bring about faithfulness and closeness to our Father that can never be overlooked.

When you are suffering and you feel alone go to His word and soak in it. Soak in these truths. God is there. He has always been there and will always be there. I pray this brings you comfort and I pray that during your times of suffering you would look to the only remedy available—God.